Busy, busy, busy

I have been doing a whole lot of nothing for so long.  O.K., that's not entirely true.  I take care of my family, cook, do laundry, drive carpools, etc. And I cannot forget the work I did to get retreated this summer.  But for the past several months it has all been done with almost Herculean effort. 

So on Saturday I did another grocery shop AND went even farther on my stationary bike.  Yes, I get the irony of that statement.  Sunday I went to Target and walked the whole damn store.  Then I went back on Monday to exchange some stuff.

Tuesday.  Uh oh.  I had trouble marching at my counter.  My legs just weren't up for pushing those bike pedals.  I know that I have been doing a lot, but was this just regular person fatigue or something far worse?  I admitted to my husband that I thought that I might be restenosing.  Remember, I'm the person who, just a few days ago, announced with pride that, with all of my experience I would definitely know if it was happening.

Well I am humbly here to tell you that I might be full of sh*t.  I just marched and biked longer than I have so far.  Take that Nicole, you big weenie!  Oh, how I wanted to be wrong.  I hope to be wrong for a long time, but I know my odds.  I guess that I am not as immune to the doubts as I thought I was.  Will any of us who have been Liberated ever be immune? 

Having doubts about just how long I will feel so well is not the worst problem in the world.  I could still be on the other side, just getting worse.  I'll take this problem any day, thank you very much.  I am well aware that there are probably thousands of people who are just getting worse.  They are waiting for their name to be called off of a long waiting list, or are trying to raise money to finance a trip to a clinic abroad.  There are even MSers who don't even know about CCSVI yet!  Hard to imagine that in Canada, where their media has been very active in reporting about CCSVI.

But here in the US, the biggest media stories are not about the successes.  Too often they are poorly researched, fear mongering stories about this newly named congenital condition and its treatment.  The impact of these stories has been to scare hospital administrators into second guessing the judgement of some great doctors. 

So much has changed in just the 5 months since I was first treated.  Who knows what the next 5 months, not to mention the next 5 years will bring!   Progress cannot come quickly enough for so many of us who are "out of wait."