It's really not all about the legs

So I've been spending waaaay too much time thinking about myself since my kids went back to school yesterday.  And fasten your seat belts,  because I think that I have had an epiphany!

Right there in the "about me" area of my blog I wrote, "My biggest probs: fatigue,spasticity in legs, balance, walking."  That is because walking and balance are the easiest problems to see.  They are also the ones that I always say most interfere with my daily routine.

They are big; no doubt about it!  But I find it fascinating that I never listed "choking several times a week" as one of my problems.  I mean really, what's more important, walking in the grocery store or possible  asphyxiation/pneumonia?  I've always been able to clear whatever slips past my epiglottis, so it has never been a real problem.  It just scares the sh#t out of the worried husband.  I don't blame him.  It is scary to watch!

Then there's that "fatigue" complaint.  Too general, woman!  Sometimes I use it to mean physical fatigue, like when my legs will not hold me up for one more minute.  But I should have made a distinction between that and "cognitive fatigue."  Physical fatigue is easy to see and feel.  The cognitive stuff is sneakier.  When it is bad, that is the time when I am least able to pay attention to exactly how bad it is!  Duh.

That's why I keep the wonderfully observant husband around.  He (and one of my whip-smart daughters) noticed my improved sense of humor.  That's cognitive.  He has pointed out on many occasions in the past few weeks that my speech is smoother.  I am having much less trouble finding words, pausing in the middle of a sentence, and organizing my thoughts in general.

What is fascinating about all of this is that I am a speech-language pathologist!  Clearly, being the "subject" makes it difficult, if not impossible, to be an objective evaluator.  The husband has spent the past 20 years, including college and grad school, with this SLP, so he basically has an honorary degree in this stuff. 

He even thinks that I am typing faster.  Can't say if that is a motor or a cognitive improvement.  It's still progress!  And we have both noticed that I am mentally sharper in the evening than I was Pre-lib.

The bottom line:  I think that I have been putting way too much emphasis on tracking my progress by what happens with my legs.  Yes, life will improve dramatically if and when their stamina and strength improve.  But people live with poorly working legs, or without them entirely, all the time!

Talk to anyone who has a loved one with dementia, or Alzheimer's, or stroke damage.  [Edit:  OR significant cognitive impairment due to MS!]  Ask them if they would rather have that person walking or communicating.  The answer is obvious.

So.

I am going try to stop obsessing about my legs.  I'm going to keep exercising them, but stop using them as my barometer to measure change.

Instead I am going to pay attention to and celebrate the other important improvements attributable to Liberation.  The first few I would like to acknowledge are:
successful swallowing, clearer thinking, and razor-sharp wit.  (O.k.- the "razor-sharp" part may be up for debate, but it's MY blog and I can call it anything I damn well please.)  Yeah me!